According to The Bible, a marriage can be symbolically expressed as the love that God has for his people. In Ephesians 5, Paul gives instructions on how both husband and wife should submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. He also explains how we should imitate the love as illustrated by Christ’s love for the church. It was a sacrificial love for humanity. Now, there are many articles, videos, and resources out there that explain the details of this symbolism or enumerate the different ways a spouse can be better at his or her role. But what I get caught up in is that word: love.
What is love? I know that question conjures up so many images in our mind (including that SNL skit where Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan bop their heads to Haddaway’s song of the same name). We say “love” for so many things, and we know what it means to us, but I feel there’s no way one word can define its vastness. This is why Paul defines love in 1 Corinthians13.4-8 (NIV) with so many words:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Looking at other translations (ESV), verses 7 and 8 state that:
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
When I read what love should be and that I’m supposed to love my spouse in such a way, I feel that I fall so short. I’ve been married for almost nineteen years now. There are times when I look back on the latter half and remember moments when I’ve behaved in such a manner that seems contrary to love. I guess at the beginning of most marriages, it feels easy, love fueled by the excitement and energy of youth; love displayed in the flowers, gifts, and attention. For me, in the early years of our marriage, love was like an undiscovered country where I was invited to tread; there were exciting discoveries and surprises around each bend. It was a terrain of mysteries to be mapped out.
But as the years have gone by and as I’ve gotten older, love becomes a fully mapped out terrain. With the hustle and bustle of life (dealing with a job, raising kids, volunteering for church, maintaining a house, etc), often I become busy and tired to even outwardly express my love to the person that I’ve committed my life to. Sometimes my weariness expresses itself in something ugly and far from what love is. I feel my wife has moments like these as well, and marriage becomes a lonely place where it is difficult to see any sort of love.
But I know deep down that I still love my wife, even more now. I guess love hides itself and bears its heart in the everyday things: that morning coffee made unexpectedly; that text message saying you’ll pick up the kids instead; that regret that finds forgiveness; those dishes washed and that kitchen cleaned before she comes home; that family outing to his favorite place; that moment when you get that quick hug and kiss at the end of a long day; that willingness to bear and that unrelenting hope that heals. It doesn’t seem that much, but love is there. One just needs to look for it.
As I’ve gotten older, it seems that love has moved into the familiar, a place of few surprises yet still greatly holding my attention; a place I remember of its youthful vigor and still continue to long for its enthusiasm; a place I find comfort in. Our love has become a place I call home.
Again, it’s not a perfect love. Our attempts at it are full of flaws. I’m still working on it even though I continue to fail at it. That’s why I need God’s help in being the husband I should be to my wife. He’s the example because his love bears all things and endures all things, never failing. I can’t show love through my efforts alone, and I need his strength when I don’t feel I’m receiving it from my spouse. When I look at his love, I can only get a glimpse of his perfection of it, both expressing it outwardly through the sacrifice of his Son and expressing it in the daily things through the power and comfort of his Holy Spirit. It has taken me all these years to learn of all its vastness, and it will take me my lifetime for Him to teach me the rest.