As a little kid, I often uttered this phrase after being called a moron or something else insulting: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” It was my attempt as a child to invoke an invisible shield of protection from the hurt, as well as a verbal reminder that insults were mere words. But I was wrong. It still hurt being called a moron.
As I grew older, I learned how important it was to guard what I say, and that cruel words could have a more damaging effect, lasting far longer than healed bones. We can all agree that it’s important to watch what we say, but why is it that we often let loose online and say things we would never say in person? Today, because of our current pandemic, we are ever more dependent on technology for communication. Yet, because of its ease of use, we have either been too quick in our words and have caused hurt with our online responses or have been on the receiving end of a hurtful message. Either way, we must remember and practice the guidelines that God has given us regarding how we should treat others, whether in person or online.
The Book of James was written to encourage dispersed Jewish Christian readers to continue to live out what they had learned from Christ. James provides wisdom and instructions on maturing one’s faith through self-examination and good works. James 3:9-11 (NIV) states:
With the tongue, we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both freshwater and saltwater flow from the same spring?
James is comparing our tongue or what comes out of our mouth to a spring of water. The same spring cannot bring forth both fresh and salty water. It’s one or the other. In the same way, we cannot use our tongues to encourage and bless others and then use the same tongue to hurt or decimate as well, yet we carry in our mouths a tool capable of uttering paradoxical statements. This is why James, in verse 6, also calls the tongue “a fire” and if uncontrolled, it can set “the whole course of one’s life on fire.” If we don’t control what we say, we could derail our whole life.
There’s also another reason why we should watch what we say. In Matthew 12:34-37, Jesus, confronted by the Pharisees, and knowing their evil intensions, says, “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” A person’s words reveal their inner character. Why is it important to guard what we say? Because it’s a matter of our heart. Our tongues or our words are evidence to others where our heart is.
In a modern sense, the tongue can represent any means used to carry forth our words. Back in Bible times, a person would have to work to address another with harsh words or write a scathing letter then find a messenger to deliver it. Now, we carry this means through technology, whether it be an email, a text, or a post. It seems easier now to act on impulse and just click ‘send’ without even thinking about it. In this age of instant communication, God is asking us to examine that impulse and consider in length if our words would cause hurt. But this is contrary to what internet culture teaches us. We are taught to flip the wise teachings from the Book of James on its head, tempting us to let loose our tongues. We feel free and entitled to say anything we want, especially since we also believe we are protected behind our devices. But, we’ve all seen the damage done in any medium where one’s tongue is let loose, and opinions are shot back and forth regardless of the hurt that results. If through God we are given freedom and instructions to love one another, then we are free to say what is on our hearts but in a mindful way that will not cause harm or hurt to another human being. We are called to be peacemakers, and because of this, it is imperative that we call on God’s strength to help us rein in our tongue, bringing kindness to our words and humility to our character. But if peacemaking is not the intent of our words, then James warns that “those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless” (James 1:26).
The next time you receive a message or read a post that stirs up emotions within you, put your device down or place it aside, and think. Is this something you feel so passionately about that you would say it to their face? Are the words that surged up suitable, or can you be more tactful with what you have to say, bringing wisdom and peace to the situation? Proverbs 16:24 reminds us that “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Always gravitate to using thoughtful and kind words. Advances in technology will continuously change the way we interact with each other and influence our communication behavior. Whether it’s an email or a text or a Facebook post or a Twitter tweet or an Instagram message or whatever future technology that we’ll be using (like maybe Elon Musk’s Neuralink), we still need to hold to God's everlasting and unchanging truth: tame the tongue.