After our 21-year-old son, unexpectedly, went to heaven during his senior year of college, I would often hear comments like, “Why would God do that to you?” or “I can’t believe God would let that happen after all you do for Him”. Or the sinister lie the enemy says, “God doesn’t care about you. He is not good or trustworthy. He doesn’t listen to your prayers”.
My life was shattered. My hopes and dreams for our family... gone. I asked myself, “How can I live without one of my children?” Years of prayers for my son’s life seemed empty. I felt like no one heard them or cared enough to answer them.
For a while, I couldn’t pray, partly because I was stunned, later because I was in one of two harmful extremes. On one end, I considered my prayers useless; on the other end, I was now terrified of a God that would hurt me so deeply.
Thankfully, other believers consistently prayed for me and my family when I could not pray as I had before. I am so grateful for this.
I wish I could explain the mystery of God’s specific care in grief. He’s always with me, no matter how alone or sad I feel.
There came a point when I had to ask myself, “Is God really good? Does he really care about me? What do I actually believe? Do I want to pursue a relationship with Jesus anymore?
Somehow, in all my wrestling with the LORD, He gently reminded me who He is.
He is always good, even when it looks and feels bad.
He does care for me, especially when I am hurting and weak.
He reminded me of how much he loves me. He also has a son, Jesus, who suffered and died for me (and you) so we may be saved. This is the deepest love.
He taught me that I cannot fathom his plans. His ways are far above my understanding. Why did this happen to our family?
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9
I must trust Him and His ways and not my own understanding.
He ignited a heavenly hope for a future I cannot see.
God led me to a deeper faith. I no longer believe in God for what He does or does not do. This is me putting limits on God. I believe in Him alone…He is my King, my Redeemer, He is the Holy One, the Alpha and Omega. He is the God who asked Job,
Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb,
when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt’?
Job 38:8-11 (NIV)
God can do anything. Anything. Nothing is beyond his power. I cannot understand Him, but I know His ways and His plans are good… even if pain, suffering, and disappointment happen. He is so much bigger than the pain, the loss.
Three men in the Bible refused to bow down to a statue. The king told them that if they didn’t worship the statue, he would throw them in a fiery furnace and ask them what god could rescue them. The men still refused to bow down and said their God was able to save them (Daniel 3).
Then, interestingly, they said, Even if he does not rescue us, we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up (Daniel 3:18, CSB).
Even if.
Even if it looks like God failed us. Even if our prayers seem unheard. Even if it seems everything went wrong. Even if there is pain, death. Those three men believed in God, whatever the outcome. They were willing to die rather than waver in their faith.
God did rescue them from the fiery furnace. In fact, when the king looked into the fire, he saw not three men but four men walking around. The fourth man looked like a son of the gods, to use the king’s words from Daniel 3:25.
The LORD was somehow with them in the fire! He is also with us when we go through life’s fires. He promises to never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).
He walks with us in our struggles. I’d go so far as to say He carries us, because we can’t even take a step, through the fire. He is with us when life is joyful and when it is not.
Who are we going to trust? Just a God that answers our prayers? Or a God with wisdom beyond us, and sometimes says no to our prayers? Will you believe in the LORD if He says no or not yet to your constant prayers? Will you trust Him when you feel empty and see nothing hopeful? What if the worst you can imagine happens? Will you believe in the LORD even if your even if happens?
You can.
He is so good. He is so kind, so merciful, so loving. No matter what happens in this life, no matter how hopeless we feel, we can still place our trust in our God, the Almighty.