I will never forget the day that set my life on a path that would take me 30 years to get off. It was a normal spring day in South Tampa, and I was in third grade. We had just come back inside from PE, and I was excited to be the first one done in the bathroom—because that meant I got to be the line leader. As I stood waiting for everyone to line up, something unexpected happened. I had gone unconscious, and the next thing I remember is waking up on the floor, looking up at my teacher, who was holding my body from thrashing. Seconds later, I felt someone scoop me up and carry me downstairs to the school office.
Little did I know that this moment would mark the beginning of a long, painful journey. The next few months were filled with doctor visits, tests, medications, fevers, and more fainting spells. Eventually, a major operation was supposed to restore my 10-year-old life to normal.
But instead, my life became anything but normal.
Years of Sickness and Unanswered Prayers
I lived in a constant state of sickness and pain. Year after year, my good days became fewer, replaced by endless doctor’s visits, hospital stays, and surgeries. I searched desperately for answers, but none came. I had been a Christian my entire life—faithful in church, small groups, and prayer. I read my Bible nightly and never miss an opportunity to cry out to my Savior.
So why wasn’t He answering my prayers?
Why was I stuck in bed while my husband and daughters lived life without me? What was wrong with me? Did I not love Him enough? Did I pray wrong? Was I harboring unforgiveness?
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?
Psalm 22:1 (NIV)
I wrestled with these thoughts while traveling across the southern states, chasing every possible doctor, surgeon, or procedure that could offer me hope. Meanwhile, I couldn’t shake the thought that God didn’t want me wasting away in bed. He had called me to share the Gospel, to serve, to love. And yet, all I could do was cry out for healing, only to be met with silence.
Doctors exhausted every option. Eventually, they placed a PICC line in my arm, requiring me to administer IV antibiotics for eight hours every day. I was physically and emotionally drained, barely holding on.
Then, one day, everything changed.
When God Spoke
As I was praying, I heard God “speak” to me in a way I had never experienced before.
"Why do you keep running after an answer, after a doctor, when you should be running after Me?"
His words stopped me in my tracks.
I was confused. What did He mean? Hadn’t I been running after Him? I was in the Word daily, praying constantly, and had gone to church my entire life. He was my everything—my God, my Savior!
But was I really surrendering?
Was I truly willing to lay it all at His feet and walk away? Could I trust Him enough to stop striving and instead let Him direct my steps?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Right then and there, I gave it all to Him. My nearly 30-year battle—one I thought had already been in His hands—was finally surrendered.
What unfolded in the next 12 months was nothing short of miraculous.
God’s Perfect Plan
From the moment He formed me in my mother’s womb, God had been orchestrating every detail. He had placed people, prepared doctors, and aligned circumstances years in advance. The right surgeons, the right hospitals, and even the right on-call schedules fell into place in ways I could never have arranged myself.
Instead of walking into appointments expecting disappointment, I found myself in awe of how each doctor knew exactly what to do. Every piece fit together perfectly—not because I had searched endlessly, but because I had surrendered completely.
At 38 years old, I was finally “healed.”
For the first time in my adult life, I stepped out of bed and into a new life. I stopped waiting for the next surgery or illness and started living for Him in a way I never had before.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV)
Living for His Glory
Now, at 46 years old, my life and health are far from perfect. I have two implanted machines that control my bladder, get weekly transfusions, live with kidney failure, have no immune system, and require maintenance surgeries every few months.
And yet, I live.
I work 40 hours a week at my church, serving, loving, and praising God for every moment I am out of bed. I know that at any time, He could allow me to return to that place of sickness. And if He does, I will still trust Him.
Because my life is His.
For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.
Romans 11:36 (NIV)
God didn’t need to heal me completely to use me. Instead, He has shown me that even in my weakness, He is strong. Even in my suffering, He is faithful. I don’t have to be “fixed” to be His vessel—I just have to be willing.
So, for the rest of my days, whether in sickness or health, I will run after Him, not after answers, not after healing, but after the One who holds it all.
Look what God did!
