Father’s Day falls this month, and we decided to take a month to talk to men specifically and address questions, concerns, and situations that all men share in common—whether we know it or not. However, most of these topics apply to us all. This week's topic, for example, is not just a “man” thing; it is a subject that we all need to be reminded of often.
I want to start by sharing a little of my story. Not because I’ve got it all figured out. Far from it. But because maybe, just maybe, you’ll find yourself somewhere in my journey.
I was doing “pretty good,” or so I thought. I was married to a wonderful woman, had a few kids, went to church regularly, and did all the right things on the outside. I worked hard, provided for my family, protected them, played with my kids, and even made time to pray occasionally. I was checking the boxes, man. I really believed I was the husband and father God wanted me to be.
Then, I started meeting with Pastor Phil twice a month for mentoring and discipleship. That’s when things started to change. Or maybe that’s when I began to really see what needed to change.
In each of our conversations, Pastor Phil asked me four simple questions:
- Are you the kind of man you want to be?
- Are you the kind of man you want your son to become?
- Are you the kind of man you want your daughter to marry?
- Are you the kind of husband that your wife needs?
I didn’t even hesitate. “Heck yeah, I am!” I thought. I mean, come on—I’m a good guy! I’m a solid provider. I don’t just protect my family physically—I’m emotionally involved. I spend time with my wife and kids. I go to church. I help out in the community. What more do you want?
But something about those questions kept echoing in my heart. They dug deep.
Many weeks later, after beginning to struggle with my answers, he asked me the same questions. And this time, I didn’t come with quick answers. I came with a real, hard look at myself. I told Pastor Phil, “I had my answer—and it’s not what I thought.”
He nodded and gently opened his Bible. “Let’s read something together,” he said. He took me to Galatians 5:22-23:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Then he looked me in the eyes and said, “This is the kind of man your wife needs. This is the kind of man your kids need. Not just someone who provides or protects—but someone who is filled with the fruit of the Spirit.”
And that hit me. Because if I was honest, I didn’t see all of that fruit in my life. Not consistently. Not deeply. I wanted to be that man—but I had no idea how to get there.
The World Tells Us Differently
The world says that being a “real man” means being strong, successful, in control. It tells us to hustle harder, climb higher, toughen up. Even in church circles, we can start thinking that being a good husband or dad is about doing more, trying harder, leading better.
But here’s the hard part—lean in close now because this is important.
You can’t do it.
I can’t do it.
No matter how hard we try, we can’t produce this fruit on our own. You can never “white-knuckle” your way to being more patient, more joyful, more kind. It doesn’t come from you. It doesn’t come from me.
That’s why it’s not called the “fruit of effort.”
Not the “fruit of discipline.”
Not the “fruit of trying harder.”
It’s called the fruit of the Spirit.
It comes from the Spirit. Period.
Paul writes just a few verses earlier in Galatians 5:16-18:
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
There it is: Walk by the Spirit. That’s the key.
You don’t become more loving by trying to be loving. You become more loving by walking with Jesus. You become more patient by staying close to the Spirit. These aren’t goals to strive for—they are the natural byproduct of living a Spirit-led life.
And Jesus made this even more clear when He said in John 16:7-14:
Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me; concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no longer; concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged. “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you.
Did you catch that?
Jesus Himself said it was to our advantage that He leave so that the Spirit could come. The Spirit isn’t just a nice addition to your Christian life—He is your Christian life. Without Him, we’re just spinning our wheels.
So, How Do You Walk with the Spirit?
Here’s where it gets practical. Because maybe you’re reading this and thinking, Okay, I want to walk with the Spirit—but how do I actually do that?
- You must have a relationship with Jesus.
That’s where it all begins. Not religion. Not rules. A real, daily relationship with Jesus. Talk to Him. Listen for His voice. Invite Him into your day, your decisions, your heart. - You must read, study, and discuss Scripture.
This is how God speaks. The Bible isn’t just a book—it’s a living word. The more you soak in it, the more the Spirit speaks through it. - You must be in fellowship with other believers.
You weren’t meant to walk alone. God designed us for community. Find your people—the ones who will love you, challenge you, encourage you, and hold you accountable. Be discipled. And then go and disciple others. - You must walk.
It’s not about achieving perfection. It’s about direction. Keep walking. Keep stepping. Even when you stumble, don’t stop. Walk with the Spirit, and the fruit will come.
The Bottom Line
So if you want to become a better husband, a better father, a better friend, here’s the secret: don’t focus on the fruit—focus on the Spirit.
You can’t produce love.
You can’t manufacture patience.
You can’t force kindness.
But you can stay close to Jesus. You can walk with the Spirit. And when you do, He will grow that fruit in your life in ways you never imagined.
It’s not a checklist.
It’s not a goal.
It’s a relationship.
So today, start walking. Stay close. And let the Spirit do what only He can do. If I can help you along the way, please reach out!
