Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth.
Psalm 127:3-4
My mother and father were still very young when they learned my mom was pregnant with me. Sadly, like a lot of people who marry early and/or in haste, they divorced before I was two years old.
I remember spending many hours of my childhood traveling back and forth between their two homes. I lived with my mother for the first part of my life, only seeing my father every other weekend. He did his best, but he had his demons he was fighting. In 3rd grade, I got a front-row seat to watch those demons play havoc on our lives. It was about that time in a boy’s life when I just wanted and, in many ways, just needed my dad. I had always looked up to him in multiple ways, literally and figuratively. He was 6’3 and 270 lbs! So, at seven years old, I looked up at him like he was a literal skyscraper. Also, just like most kids, I wanted him to be proud of me. However, because of all he was going through and the battles he was fighting, I often felt uncomfortable and even scared in his presence. Even with all that going on, I still asked to leave my mom’s home to move an hour away to my dad’s. I’m sure it was heartbreaking for my mom, not to mention scary for her, for me to be that far away. That first year with my dad was the scariest time in my childhood, as my dad fought his own battles with addiction and learning to control his anger. It’s one thing to have these issues when it’s just adults around, but now I, a young kid, was there … all the time!
I’m sure the change of living with him was hard for us both because he and my mother had completely different parenting styles. She was still very young, gentle, and nurturing, which, looking back now, I’m sure I took advantage of often. My dad, on the other hand, ruled with a harsh old-school style of discipline and punishment. I’ll just leave it at that. I will admit that I wasn’t the best kid either. I was often distracted at school, wasn’t disciplined, and cut up in class a good bit. I am not proud to admit it, but I also lied a lot, mostly out of fear of getting in trouble with my dad. I had not learned yet that lying made the situations even harder, and at that age, I wasn’t a fast learner, so it took me what seemed like forever to realize that telling lies hurt me more than telling the truth. Ultimately and thankfully, during this time, my dad sought help, conquered his addiction, and started learning how to manage his anger in better ways, and he even started taking us to church!
My dad and I have had our ups and downs throughout our lives, and we have both played parts in why we are not closer even today. I admit I don’t pursue the relationship as much as I should and could do better. Because of my experience with my dad, I realized early on in my life that I wanted to be a great dad for my kids one day. I did not want to make the same mistakes that he did.
In some ways, I have failed in that quest; in others, I have succeeded. Nevertheless, I still have that intense desire to be even better.
I believe that’s where most dads are today, but many don’t know what to do or how to “be better.” Would you agree with that last statement? You could probably do a little better, be more intentional, give a little more time, etc. Would you agree?
Don’t be too hard on yourself, but do not give yourself a free pass. If you want to be better, make the choices to be better! However, don’t try to do it alone; let the Lord guide you in everything you do. Proverbs 3:5-6 states, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Being a godly father isn't about perfection—it's about faithfulness and pointing our children to the Father.
Scripture reveals that God Himself is our ultimate Father, showing us unconditional love, patient guidance, and sacrificial commitment. As earthly fathers, we are called to reflect His character in our relationships with our children.
The Bible doesn't just tell us to be good fathers; it shows us how. From God's relationship with His children to Jesus' interactions with those around Him, Scripture provides a clear blueprint for building strong, lasting relationships with our kids.
Here are six biblical principles with practical applications and prayers that we can use to help us grow closer to our children while pointing them toward their Heavenly Father.
1. Bless Them with Your Words
Scripture Foundation: The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).
The Principle: Our words shape our children's identity. Just as God speaks life over us, calling us His beloved children, we must speak life over our kids.
Practical Application: Start each day by speaking a blessing over your child. This could be as simple as "I'm so grateful God gave you to our family" or "I see God's kindness in how you helped your sister yesterday." Look for character traits to affirm, not just achievements.
Example: Instead of only saying "Good job on your test," try "I'm proud of how hard you studied. I see God developing perseverance in you." Or when you see them being kind: "The way you shared with your brother shows me God's love flowing through you."
Prayer to Pray: "Father, let [child's name] know deep in their heart that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. May every word I speak over them build them up and point them to their true identity as Your beloved child. Guard their heart from lies about who they are. Amen."
2. Create Sacred Rhythms Together
Scripture Foundation: These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).
The Principle: Faith is caught more than taught. Regular rhythms of spiritual life create natural opportunities to share God's truth and build connections.
Practical Application: Establish simple, consistent spiritual practices, such as bedtime prayers, gratitude sharing at dinner, or morning Bible verses. Make these times interactive—let kids ask questions, share prayer requests, or tell you what they learned about God that day.
Example: During car rides, play a game where everyone shares one thing they're thankful for and one thing they want to pray about. Or create a family tradition of reading one Proverb together each morning at breakfast, discussing what it means for your day.
Prayer to Pray: "Lord, make our home a place where Your presence is felt and Your love is evident. Help [child's name] develop a hunger for Your Word and a joy in talking with You. May these sacred moments together draw us closer to You and each other. Amen."
3. Discipline with Love, Not Anger
Scripture Foundations: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).
The Principle: Discipline should restore the relationship, not damage it. God disciplines us because He loves us; His goal is always our growth and good.
Practical Application: This one can be tough for guys sometimes. We can be known to lose our temper, raise our voices, and, out of frustration, say things that belittle our children without even knowing it. Before disciplining, take a moment to calm down if you're angry. Explain the "why" behind rules, connecting consequences to character development. Focus on the heart issue, not just the behavior. Always end discipline with an affirmation of your love.
Example: When your child disobeys, say, "I need to correct you because I love you too much to let you continue making choices that will hurt you. God has given me the job of helping you learn to make good decisions." After the consequences are given, hug them and say, "I love you no matter what."
Prayer to Pray: "God, give [child's name] a heart that desires to do what's right, not out of fear but love for You. When I need to correct them, give me wisdom to discipline as You do—with love, patience, and hope for their growth. May they see Your character through my correction. Amen."
4. Show Up Consistently
Scripture Foundation: Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23).
The Principle: God's faithfulness gives us security. Our consistent presence in our children's lives builds trust and shows them what dependable love looks like.
Practical Application: Make and keep small promises. If you say you'll be at their game, be there. If you promise a bedtime story, follow through. Consistency in little things builds trust for big things. When you can't keep a commitment, apologize and explain why.
Example: Create weekly one-on-one time with each child—even 15 minutes of undivided attention. Let them choose the activity. Mark it on your calendar and protect that time as fiercely as a work meeting.
Prayer to Pray: "Lord, help [child's name] experience security in our relationship that reflects Your faithfulness to them. When life gets unpredictable, may they always know they can count on my love and Your love. Give me the strength to be reliable and present. Amen."
5. Admit Your Mistakes
Scripture Foundation: Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed (James 5:16).
The Principle: Humility builds bridges. When we admit our failures, we model how to depend on God's grace and show our children that everyone needs forgiveness.
Practical Application: When you lose your temper, speak harshly, or make a mistake, apologize specifically: "I was wrong to raise my voice. That wasn't loving, and I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" Don't just say, "sorry"—explain what you did wrong and how you'll be better next time.
Example: If you missed something important to your child because of workload or requirements, sit down with them and say: "I was wrong to let work stress affect how I treated you. You deserved my attention, and I failed you. I'm asking God to help me do better, and I'm asking you to forgive me."
Prayer to Pray: "Father, help [child's name] learn that everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone takes responsibility for them. Give them a heart that's quick to forgive others and quick to seek forgiveness when they're wrong. May they see Your grace through my humility. Amen."
6. Listen First, Speak Second
Scripture Foundation: Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger (James 1:19).
The Principle: Children need to feel secure to come to you with their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. Remember that they're still developing emotionally and may struggle to identify their feelings or find the right words to express them. Just as we bring our prayers and worries to God, knowing He will respond with compassion and understanding, we should extend that same grace and patience to our children when they share their inner world.
Practical Application: This is hard! It will be awkward if you're not already doing this, but you have to be intentional to make this happen. Start using everyday routines to address car rides, bedtime routines, and dinner table conversations. Create a "no-phone zone" during discussions with your children. If they come to you with problems, resist the urge to offer solutions immediately. Instead, ask follow-up questions: "How did that make you feel?" or "What do you think would help?" Give them your full attention, make eye contact, and reduce distractions.
Example: When your teenager comes home upset about a friend conflict, instead of jumping to advice like "Just ignore them," try saying, "That sounds hard. Tell me more about what happened." Listen fully before offering any guidance. This will allow them to feel heard and understood.
Prayer to Pray: "Lord, give [child's name] confidence that their voice matters and their feelings are valid. Help them always feel heard and understood in our home. May they learn to bring all their concerns to You, knowing You listen with perfect love. Amen."
Remember, godly fatherhood isn't about being perfect—it's about being present, purposeful, and dependent on God's grace. Your children don't need a flawless father; they need a faithful one who loves them unconditionally and points them to their perfect Heavenly Father.
Every moment you invest in these relationships matters. Every prayer you pray, every conversation you have, every time you choose patience over frustration—these are the building blocks of a legacy that will outlast your earthly life.
God has entrusted these precious children to your care, not because you're capable alone, but because He will equip you for the task. Trust His wisdom, depend on His strength, and watch Him work through your faithful love to shape hearts that will impact eternity.
