The Love That Shapes Us
The Greeks had a word for familiar love—storge. It is the quiet, steady affection found in family. It is the love that shapes us long before we realize we are being shaped. It is the love that forms our earliest understanding of belonging, identity, and security.
They say that the most powerful influence in a person’s life is their family. Family does more than give us our DNA; Dad’s eyes or Mom’s smile. Family gives us our values, our traditions, and our worldview. These early influences shape the decisions we make, the paths we choose, and the way we relate to other people. Family is often where we first learn to love God and love others. It is also where we first learn what it feels like to be loved.
Growing up, my family was small. It was my mom, my brother, and me. My grandfather lived with us, but he remained somewhat separate from the rhythm of our little unit. The absence of my father created in me a deep longing for family, not just any family, but an intact family. The ideal family. The kind you see portrayed on television.
You know the picture. Mom and Dad happily married. Two children who bicker but truly love one another. A dog, perhaps even a cat scurry around the house. There are family vacations and camping trips. We find dad and the kids playing catch in the yard. We see the kids helping mom bake cookies in the kitchen. These are parents who teach valuable life lessons and listen attentively to their children’s stories. Support and encouragement flow freely; comfort for Dad when the deal falls through, celebration for a child whether they win or lose the game.
Longing for What Felt Whole
It is not that I did not experience love. My mom loved both me and my brother fiercely. She sacrificed greatly to provide everything we needed and even many of the things we wanted. I am deeply grateful for and admire her strength and devotion. Yet I still longed for that love to exist within the framework of two parents together. I longed for what felt whole.
When I married into my husband’s family, I thought that longing had finally been fulfilled. Dave grew up in what I would have called an intact family, Mom, Dad, two sisters, and a brother all under one roof from birth to marriage. It seemed like a dream come true. I stepped into that family with hopeful anticipation. This, I thought, is what I have always wanted.
I was surprised to discover that intact families have struggles too. Being together does not eliminate brokenness. Conflict still exists. Personalities still clash. Expectations still disappoint. The presence of both parents does not automatically create perfection. That realization left me confused. I had quietly believed that if everyone stayed together, everything would be good. I had to confront the truth that storge, while beautiful, does not erase human frailty.
As I was processing that reality, we were beginning our own family. During my first pregnancy, fear surfaced in ways I did not expect. How could I be a good wife and mother when I had never watched a husband and wife raise children together? How could I model something I had not personally experienced?
So, I prayed. I prayed often, honestly, and earnestly. I asked God to be what I could not be. I asked Him to fill the gaps in my understanding. I asked Him to parent this child in ways that exceeded my ability. I wanted my children to have the family I had longed for as a little girl. I wanted them to carry memories of shared activities, meaningful conversations, laughter, lessons, love, support, and encouragement. I wanted them to see Mom and Dad happy together. Loving one another well.
God’s Unexpected Provision
Sometimes God answers our deepest longings in ways we do not expect.
For us, that answer came in the form of two people we did not share blood with, Mike and Sue.
We met them just as our first son was born. What began as friendship slowly became something much deeper. They demonstrated what a loving marriage looks like. Not a perfect marriage, but a faithful one. They welcomed us into their lives and into their home. They made space for us at their table.
They became grandparents to our children in every way that mattered. They watched them so that we could go on dates. They took them on vacations. They bought them gifts we might not have been able to or willing to provide. They celebrated milestones. They showed up consistently.
We spent holidays together. We traveled together. Every Sunday, we gathered for a traditional family dinner. The epitome of family, in my book. We served in ministry side by side. When both of our families sensed the Lord leading us to leave the church where we met, we searched for a new church home together. Our lives became intertwined in ways that felt natural and sacred.
They did not replace our biological parents. They did not diminish the love of my mother or Dave’s parents. Instead, they expanded our understanding of family. Through them, God showed us that storge is not limited to shared DNA.
The Household of God
Storge is often associated with blood ties, and rightly so. There is something powerful about generational connection and shared history. Yet Scripture reveals something even more profound. In Christ, we are adopted. Scripture tells us that we have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ (Romans 8:15). We are not spiritual orphans. We are family. We are called brothers and sisters (Mark 3:33–35, 1 Timothy 5:1–2). We are grafted into the family of God. The bond that unites believers is not simply biological; it is spiritual. It is sealed by the precious blood of Jesus.
Humans like clean categories. Here is my family box. Here is my friend box. Here is my church box. We prefer them separate, organized, and predictable. But God does not operate in tidy compartments. He is not a God of division. He is a God of unity (Ephesians 2:19). He brings together what the world tends to separate.
Family can be the place where we love the deepest and, at times, where we feel hurt the most. It is where bonds are formed and sometimes strained. But in Christ, family expands beyond what we were born into. The church is not merely a gathering of individuals who share beliefs. Paul reminds believers that we are “members of the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19).
Storge Lives Here
Perhaps you grew up in a home filled with warmth and stability. Perhaps you carry wounds from what was missing. Perhaps you are still longing for something that feels whole. I understand that longing. I carried it for many years.
Yet I have learned this: God is faithful to provide what we need, though not always in the form we expect. He may not recreate your past. He may not give you the exact picture you once imagined. But He will surround you with people who reflect His heart.
Look around our church. There are spiritual mothers and fathers here. There are brothers and sisters in Christ. There are grandparents in the faith. There are children who need to be nurtured and encouraged, many of them look like adults. Storge lives here.
If you are grieving the family you wished you had, lift your eyes. Ask the Lord to show you the family He is building around you. Do not close your heart because the picture does not match your childhood dream. In Christ, we are bound together by something stronger than shared genes. We are bound by grace.
Storge is familiar love. It is steady love. It is the love that feels like home.
And in the family of God, you are never without a home.
God places the lonely in families (Psalm 68:6 NLT).
Sometimes those families are formed by blood. Sometimes they are formed by grace.
