If you are my age or older, you may be humming Tina Turner’s hit song from 1984 by the same title. Ahh, yes, I can hear it now, playing from my cassette player as I belt out the words in “harmony” with her. Sorry, back to the present. Ms. Turner made a great song about a great question with an even greater answer. It’s simple and yet profound. The answer is everything! I know. You are probably thinking, “Yes, Shane, we already know this, but what does it have to do with fathers?” Well, once again, the answer is everything! How do I know? The Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 16:14, Let all that you do be done in love. Everything we do, including being a father, needs to be done in love.
In fact, this entire letter to the church in Corinth is bathed in love. Throughout the letter, Paul provides many exhortations for the Corinthians to act right, talk right, and think right. His words are genuine, spoken in love, and not in an attempt to shame. He urges them to put aside whatever fears may be holding them back and to proceed with courage. Verse 14 is found near the end of the letter, where Paul is giving some final instructions and sees the need to emphasize that these things must be done in love. Why? The reason is that we can quickly forget this foundational piece in our lives. What were the instructions that needed to be done in love? Verse 13 gives those instructions: Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let’s take a brief look at these instructions.
Be Watchful
These four imperatives have a military feel to them. Be watchful can also be interpreted be on guard or be on the alert. The idea is to be in a continuous state of alertness and attentiveness, much like a sentinel would be during their watch. For men, we need to be attentive to the things around us, to our wives, to our families, to our fellow brothers and sisters. We need to be on the lookout for the attacks of the enemy, and equally attentive to the things of God.
Stand Firm In the Faith
To stand firm means to have a solid footing. To not be easily knocked off your position or swayed in another direction. When in battle, it is critical for a soldier to have a firm footing and stance. Similarly, we must have a firm spiritual foundation to withstand the spiritual warfare that will come our way. We do this by being in God’s Word: reading, studying, and allowing it to transform our lives. Men are in the Bible. They pray. They seek God in all things.
Act Like Men
Interestingly, some versions of the Bible translate this part of the verse as be courageous. Whichever version you hold to, the meaning still comes out the same: Men need to act with courage and conviction in the midst of battle. This means growing up and putting away childish ways. This means taking responsibility for yourself and your family. Men are given a charge to lead, provide, and protect.
Be Strong
Paul is not saying you need to bench press 300 pounds to be a man. Yes, a soldier needs physical strength, but more importantly, he needs internal strength. He is saying we must be strong in the Spirit. To do so means we must admit our weaknesses and allow Jesus to be our strength. In Him, we have the strength to resist temptations and to exercise self-control.
If we read this verse by itself, we can be tempted to turn manhood into a chest-pounding, grunting, power trip. As men, we can become susceptible to the idea that we must be tough, rugged, show no fear, and definitely never cry. Men can tend to be distant and closed off to others, even those closest to them. Whether we were raised this way or are following cultural and social norms, we all have fallen into these incorrect stereotypes. But verse 14 reminds us how to combat these temptations and to keep ourselves on the right path. We must do these things wholeheartedly from a place of love.
I have seen this critical distinction play out in my own life. As a child, my father tried to instill many of these traits in me, but not always in love. More often than not, it seemed to be done in anger and frustration. Sometimes those lessons stuck, and sometimes they did not. When I look back at those times, I can see how I was more receptive to the moments done in love versus those that were not. He was a good man who did the best he knew how in his own weaknesses and strengths. I don’t hold any ill will toward my dad, but those things have shaped the way I interact with my own kids. In my own weaknesses, I have turned to God to give me strength in raising my kids. My desire has always been to love them first, and then to teach, encourage, and help them grow into adults. I certainly have made my mistakes along the way, but I believe it has paid off when I see where they are now.
If we go back a few chapters in 1 Corinthians to chapter 13, we read a familiar passage, If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
If I may take some liberty for a moment with these two passages, we could say, “If I am watchful, but have not love, I am nothing. If I stand firm, but have not love, I am nothing. If I act like a man, but have not love, I am nothing. If I am strong, but have not love, I am nothing.” I remember that, between 2001 and 2005, I attended a Men’s Fraternity event in Tennessee. Our culminating assignment was to develop what they called “A Manhood Plan.” Part of the plan was to answer the question, “What do you want said about you and written on your headstone when you die?” At that time, my answer was “A Man of Integrity.” A noble goal for sure.
Now, 20 years have passed, and both of my kids are in their 20s. I think I want to change my answer as I reflect on that question again. I want it to say, “He loved.” Yes, love truly does have everything to do with being a father. So, let’s encourage one another to be men who do everything from a place of love. Love well, my brothers.
